I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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