I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My balls are so social today.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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