come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
