I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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