I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
