So drunk its hurt
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
