So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
