I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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