is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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