JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
