I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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