I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
