WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
