Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
