How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
