Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
