I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
