Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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