He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She's the barista slut.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
