So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
