and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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