O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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