508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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