i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
