i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
