ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
