made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
