I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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