do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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