My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
