he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
