I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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