Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
