Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
