her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
