OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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