is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
