that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
