Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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