So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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