Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
