The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
