Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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