You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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