Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize