member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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