That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
