Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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