I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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