the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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