So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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