We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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