dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
