did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am one with the molecules
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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