she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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