Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Michael Bay diarrhea
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
