I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
