First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
