my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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