I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
