I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
