my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
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I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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