If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
where are you?
Hypothermia
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
ttyl tear gas
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
