Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
