it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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