He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nobody cheats on THIS.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
