I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
