Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
