either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
