The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
