His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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