I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
