my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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