trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
