tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
