So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
