Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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