I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize