Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
