You're completely useless in the revolution.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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