i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So many bounce houses so little time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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